all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im six kinds of drunk right now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
