I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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