Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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