Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
