Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
