So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
