Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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