No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
that may or may not have been my penis.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize