He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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