it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She even gives head with a lisp.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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