And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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