i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
