The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize