and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
