its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
