my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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