This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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