They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize