wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
