Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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