when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
