I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
