his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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