With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
