I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
