my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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