I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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