Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
