i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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