Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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