No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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