please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
