Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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