I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
