I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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