the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
