i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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