I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
