while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Randomize
