Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
