i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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