I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
