brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
