now i know why i became what i already was.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
