Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
