Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I lost the right to judge tonight
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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