I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
