is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
