I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize