I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
