she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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