i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
