I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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