Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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