I could make wine with my vomit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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