If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
