"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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