woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize