What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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