He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
