the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need to align my fucking chakras
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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