Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
