dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
