cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
