Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize