dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize