Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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