Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
